If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.

Everything

2010-05-26T14:50:00.002+08:00

is gone.

Whatever
I had fought for a year ago is gone.

It wasn't meant to be going this way. I made a wrong turn and it's a turn that leads me onto a highway to hell.
I am sorry and i'll try and try till i fall flat to the ground.Till there's no U-turn back.

With just one touch, what we've built the last 9 months have been destroyed. It may not be a long period of time, but we've been together most of the time that we're part of each other's life. Looking at you, being so depressed and sad. Knowing that I'm the cause of it.. It really hurts me. As what you've said, Words are cheap. I really want to pull everything together again. I don't want to give up on us. I have been trying, trying hard not to be weak. Trying hard to help you out with all that I could.

Tell me, tell me what exactly should I do? I just need to see your smile once again.

I was doubting on us once. But feeling how you've treated me the last couple of days, you made me realise how blessed I was, to be receiving kisses in the morning and night, to be hugging you to sleep, to be in your arms while watching television, to have your support on everything I want to do, and many more. You have never failed to be there for me, no matter how busy you were you have always tried your best to reply every text messages i've sent.

I am sorry that I've taken things for granted.

If by Rudyard Kipling

2010-03-25T10:09:00.004+08:00

By

Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!

This is my boyf..

2010-03-18T11:13:00.005+08:00

"I'm going home tonight"

"Why? I thought you've already gone home last 2 days"

"I need to do up my resume asap"

"Can't you do it here?"

"I cant. Your Microsoft isnt working"

"Cant be, i've installed it months ago.. If it works, i'm gonna give you a punch."

"What!? I thought it should be a kiss??"

-Check check-

"SEE! i told you! its not working! So So, can i give you a punch??"

"NO"

"Why? its not fair )):"

"Oh well, life's never fair"

"Oh yeah......... tell me about that."

"Okay, since you're free today. You re-install it...."

(See, this is e shit i get for being on holiday)
Off he goes to work.......

Uninstall......
re-install......

Introduction.
License.
Product Key.
Destination Type.
Installation Type.
.... (Password require)

-text mgs-
Baby, installation requires password.
haha! its vergina!
you serious!? U're gonna get it from me tonight!
Serious baby... heh.
Baby! How dare you insult my name.!!!
Baby, I love you :-*

Do you talk to your breast?

2010-03-07T11:03:00.002+08:00

If no, you should start thinking about it again.

Believe that everything is possible; that's the power of positive thinking. But have you ever really taken the time to understand the true power your mind when you talk to your body?

When you wake up in the morning and say to yourself: "I feel miserable, this will be an awful day" you can count on it to struggle through the rest of the day with a miserable feeling. If, however, you wake up and get a shower thinking: "That head-ache will go away after a good breakfast, and I'm going to be the best I can be" your day improves rapidly by-the-minute. Why is that?

So, does this post makes you wanna talk to your breast more often?

P.S. I am going back to talking to my breast, so it'll grow bigger as the clock ticks(((:

Our time together is just never quite enough.

2010-03-02T11:36:00.005+08:00

WE ARE ALL A LITTLE

WEIRD AND

LIFE'S A LITTLE WEIRD,

AND WHEN WE FIND

SOMEONE WHOSE WEIRDNESS

IS COMPATIBLE WITH OURS,

WE JOIN UP WITH THEM

AND FALL IN MUTUAL

WEIRDNESS AND CALL IT

LOVE.

thatsjustthewaylifeworks,iguess.

2010-03-02T11:17:00.011+08:00

This life is what you make it.

No matter what, you're going to mess up sometimes, it's a universal truth. But the good part is, you get to decide how you're going to mess it up.

Girls will be your friends - they'll act like it anyway. But just remember; some come, some go. The ones that stay with you through everything - they're your true best friends. Don't let go of them.

Also remember, sisters make the best friends in the world.

As for lovers, well they come and go too. And babe, I hate to say it, most of them, actually pretty much all of them, are going to break your heart.

But you can't give up just yet because if you give up, you'll never find your soulmate. You'll never find that half who makes you whole and that goes for everything.

Just because you fail once doesn't mean you're gonna fail at everything.

Keep trying, hold on, and always believe in yourself, because if you don't, than who will, sweetie? So keep your head high, keep your chin up, and most importantly, keep smiling, because life's a beautiful thing & there's so much to smile about, just like me.

Sweetheart

2010-02-24T10:38:00.001+08:00

Can we turn yesterday back around?

Cause I am not as strong as I thought I am. I believe that I, alone, can give you what they have given you through these years.

Girl, you've not been forgotten.

Love Bug

2010-02-17T08:11:00.000+08:00

Between A Mother and A Daughter

2010-02-12T10:53:00.000+08:00

You are in my thoughts every step of my way.. Although you are grown and far away. At least,I know that you're happy at the other part of the country.. Just being your mom, I know your way. I remember those precious days when you're still the size of a doll,you would make funny faces and putting everything that you got hold of into your mouth.. The nightly ritual, forever in my head of a piggy-back ride, on your way to bed... I wish, so often for a moment with you alone here by my side,calling me 'mummy'.. Although, I understand and truly care; I still wish to reach out and just stroke your hair. There are times, when I wish for a hug, and a kiss; perhaps I just need to tell you all this and hope you would understand and forgive for the decision i've made..

Dont let yr emotions take over yr thoughts.

2010-02-10T01:54:00.002+08:00

Would you say...

"The love of money is the root of all evils."

"The lack of money is the root of all evils."

???

To my dearest baby.

2010-01-19T10:44:00.003+08:00

You're always there for me with a loving smile,

I'm never happier than when I knew you're near.

I'll always want to be right nest to you,

To be with you means more than you could ever know.

It mean so much to have you in my life.

Your loving care fills up my days with pleasure,

Your warm and giving nature helps create

Close, special times together that I treasure so much.

I live within a safe and steady world,

Because I've got you.

Your baby, love

The Merchants of Bollywood

2010-01-15T10:07:00.002+08:00

Bollywood Dance is a form all its own. Borrowing generously from Western free-form and Indian Classic styles, Bollywood dancing is all about energy, vibrancy and, above all, telling a story.

- It's a total splendid experience. Simply made me miss arvind and all the bollywood dancers.

A leopard will never change it's spots.

2010-01-13T16:16:00.003+08:00

Can a leopard change its spots? I doubt so. Shaving the hair or fur is only temporary measure. Soon the hair will grow again. Everything is determined in their genes. How many spots a leopard is going to have and in which position, all these are already destined and ‘programmed’ in their genes. If you ‘bleach’ it, you will kill it. So do you want to try to change the leopard’s spots or to accept it?

Somewhere over the rainbow.

2009-12-23T11:15:00.003+08:00

you're the colours of my rainbow, my love.

This is my story..

2009-11-06T15:26:00.009+08:00

Mom

Momma, thanks for being here for me. Thanks for all the understandings.

You were there for me all my life.

Smoothing my every hurt and your unfailing love without limit.

Every hour, every day.

You are my teacher, my comforter, my encourager, appreciating all, forgiving all.

I know for instant, by looking at you. Made me realize that I am still not up to standard to be who you are now.

Giving up your "wants" for us. Keeping us safe and healthy. Forever there unselfishly, with open arms and open heart, with enduring patience and inner strength.

I was not yet up till standard, than. But momma, I will one day learn and grow to be who you are. Protecting my little one. Safe and sound.

She's not forgotten. Never will be.

Dad

You are the one who taught me to be strong. Who gave me the boyish side of me.

When I was still a little girl, I would look at you and tell myself. If I were to get marry in future, it'll have to be someone like my father.

Loving and kind. Honest and true.

Even things turned out really spiteful last year. You're still my father. The one who perfected my childhood memories.

Everyone make faults. Take it and learn from it.

I love you dad. And momma too.

Sissy

Hola sis(: Haven't been catching up with you lately. You must be enjoying your life with your love now.

We both have got so much in common. So much that we argue most of the time. Things between us are either really agreeable or discordant. So conflicting!

Nevertheless, you'll always be the person whom I could turn to without any slight bit of worries. Friends, relationships, or even families. You listen and advise.

Thank you sissy. Thou we've lost our secondary school years fighting, you're still my big sissy whom I laugh my ass off with despite of the cane from momma.

Bro

You... I am speechless. Totally speechless. I have probably said this a thousand times to you. But I'll say it.

Please for goodness sake. could you just stop thinking of TV, PSP, COMPUTERS for once. Just this once. And forces on your studies. I have never seen anyone as awfully impish as you!

I seriously take my hands off momma and dad.

Dearest

You came into my life so quick. A gorgeous pleasant surprise.

Our bond was so very strong, that couldn't help but turn into love. We wondered if going further was wrong, but we fit each other like a glove.

You're perfect and so is this love that we share. We have so much more than I ever thought we would, and I love you so much more than I ever thought I could.

I hope that someday you'll come to realize, how perfect you are when seen through my eyes.

I love you more than yesterday, but not as much as tomorrow.

Happy Birthday(:

2009-10-21T08:40:00.001+08:00

Face-Off

2009-10-12T08:26:00.010+08:00

Since I've got approximately half an hour more before I lay my foot out from my comfort nest. I thought I should blog some random things I've recently came across.

I recently witnessed a girl execute her entire make-up routine on a train. Her lap was her mobile dresser. Foundation, concealer, eyeliner, mascara, and the main important one, mirror. Everything defied the laws of inertia while she competently juggled them.
Like a master-crafter, her hands moved with finesse- drawing, painting, highlighting features she knew too well. It was like the entire train had become her private boudoir.

Now, as much as I understand the value of an extra 30 minutes of sleep, I implore woman to understand the even greater importance and prudence of this intimate ritual.
Makeup has served as artifice, creating an illusion to all beyond women's personal walls- a mask that hides imperfections. So if our purpose is to create a facade for those outside our personal space, than shouldn't we consider the act of creating this face something very intimate?
From my point of view is that, it's crass to treat your makeup ritual with so little importance that you can slap it on while on the bus or train.
If you think wearing makeup is to better your image outside of home, than shouldn't you only present a complete face in public? And what about the poor people who have see your unmade-up face from the time you step out of your house onto the train?
Well, at least most woman realise that walking out of their front door with full makeup on puts them in a different psychological mode.

For me, I know when I'm made up. I'm ready to take on the world. It actually gives me an unconscious confidence that even puts me in a better mood. I feel sexier and more in control.
So no, I don't think it's ever alright to do your face in public. These habits should be polished at home, and not out in plain view.
I'm no make up maestro. I don't have a 27-step blend-and-polish routine with an arsenal of tools and brushes. My rather everyday life only requires my rather everyday makeup routine- Power, eyeliner and lipgloss. Anyone who knows me knows I'm not a fussy dresser, and my makeup follows the same preferences. And since my makeup process takes just five minutes, I can do up my makeup anywhere. When I say I'm okay with makeup being applied in public, it doesn't mean I toss out discretion. I didn't advocate applying liquid foundation with a sponge and concealing my pimple while strutting my stuff down the busy street of Orchard Road. But I see nothing wrong with making use of solo cab rides or the mall's toilet for a quick after-lunch touchup.

For granted, maybe a good reason that I see nothing wrong with makeup in public lies in the fact that I can do it from start-to-finish with one hand, in less than five minutes- Or as fast as it takes my mascara to dry. But really, if you aren't painting a Mona Lisa, it's just a matter of finding relative privacy for a few minutes- which is easy in a modern city like ours.

Over the rainbow

2009-09-24T15:16:00.001+08:00

"You've got to dance like nobody's watching,
and love like it's never going to hurt."
- Source unknown

I'm sitting at home, in my own dear room. Haven't done this in ages, and I wasn't going to either but I was enjoing a sweet hermitage, new-found privacy to my own life.

And then I found this quote, and felt like sharing it.

Otherwise, if you were wondering, I'm still alive and well. I'm going to make sure I stay this way for a long time ... not falling off mountains, just being their guest for a while.

Pausing from my diligent work for some time, to reflect upon the learning, to love my family and friends, to be grateful I have a home .. or maybe more than that.

I'm living the sweet "glory" of ordinary life - seeing people, eating healthy, getting some fresh air, going to school, building for the future. That's the news, and it's good news too :o)

Just a regular sunny day, a regular noon when I don't get to go out without sweating.
My life in six words - Been there, done that, more coming.

I had a wonderful day

2009-09-21T01:02:00.002+08:00

Vivo at 1pm. Lunch at a Japanese BBQ restaurant. Movie-Time traveller's wife. Drinks and dinner at Robinson quay. More drinks at Tivoli with Mark.

Its not the outing that made me happy. Its the company that have perfected my day.
Thanks darling.

15 hours

2009-09-19T01:43:00.002+08:00

In 15 hours time you(along with your parents) will be on the plane flying back to me(((: Your warm hugs and passionate kisses are missed dearly by me.

Despite of being annoyed with me when I stupidly asked you a silly question. Instead, you're happy that I shared everything with you that we can always discuss about everything. That you wont want me to keep things away from you just because I think that you would be unhappy. Thank you dearest. Your messages have really assured me and have really confirm me what should I do next. For now, I just can't wait to be in your arms once again. And than I could say, this 10 dreadful days have finally pass.

Sometimes, when one person is missing, the whole world seems depopulated!

To dearest.

2009-09-15T00:27:00.005+08:00

Conversations with you have never failed to make me smile. From 'snakes' to thai culture to the magazine I was reading and than to -most importantly- us. I am glad that we both are looking in the same direction for our future. One look and 3 months have passed. And we've spent quite a lot of time together.

Our very first date - 7th June. The day I was late for god-knows how long. We had Jap food as what I wanted -the one next to katong mall-, remember? And than we headed to east coast for margaritas. I enjoyed my time with you so much that I lost track of the time and was late for my father's birthday dinner.
There're many things I remembered which I enjoy doing it with you. Wake boarding, movies, groceries shopping, serving you your Johnny Walker(thats how your nick name came about), bar hopping along with Brad and Sandra, You ordering Johnny Walker through mac delivery-that was just way too hilarious-, a walk at east coast, morning coffees and counting. Many more memories yet to be created(:

Dont get me wrong. It's not infatuation. I don't want to be with nobody else and I dream about you all the time. You're just this important to me.

To dearest,

You are my future.

Kisses for you're special

2009-09-14T00:59:00.002+08:00

20th, I want it to fall by soon. But yet, I don't.

I meant it when I say 'I don't'. As much as I really do miss you and want you here. Badly. I don't. All the questions and doubts are piling up my mind. I wanna ask you, confront you. Let you know how I feel. But you're not here. I don't wanna worry you while you're in HK now. And that asking you in face would be better for me to accept the reality (If the outcome is negative).

*Please don't disappoint me. Because someone like you, is hard to come by.

Day 1 of my dreadful week.

2009-09-13T11:48:00.003+08:00

Its only day one and I am already feeling the pinch.

Last night.
Went over to Azzura with Wei Wei and her boyf, after work. The interior design is awesome. The sound system is powerful, the furniture are gorgeous, they even have a swimming pool. The 2nd level is gonna be a club. Strictly playing only house music. According to the manager, there won't be any ladies night. Too bad. And the best part is they've got the license to open it 24hours!

But,

Due to the pricing and the music. It's totally similar to Cafe delma. In fact, the pricing is even more expensive than Cafe Delma. What I am really interested isn't the bar, isn't the club, isn't all those party people. Its on the water sports that they offered.
*pause* "Johnny's calling"
Yea, back again. They have got banana boat, kayaking, and soon to have wake boarding(: Johnny will sure to love that(: Surprisingly, their pricing for the water sports have got a more reasonable price than their drinks. weird. A cup of coffee could cost up to $12++. Its crazy.

Alrighty, I am just gonna go by my day one quietly. Have a safe trip(:
Counting down to Sunday,20th.

Pain in the ass.

2009-09-10T20:35:00.005+08:00

"I miss you thou you're quite a pain in the ass sometimes."

Yes, I am the pain in your ass. But you simply just miss that pain in your ass at times(:
Meeting you simply just make me desire you even more.

Lesson learnt

2009-09-08T03:16:00.003+08:00

I was at SGH in the late afternoon. Went to visit someone whom I would not consider as a friend of mine, but a friend of James. I just found out about the accident approximately 2 hours before I arrived at SGH.
It really shaken me when I saw him laying there on the bed. Worst, he have been there for the past 5 months plus! The last time I saw him was way back in Dec '08. He was that playful cheerful, happy-go-luck guy.
No wonder J refused to tell me what had happened or how is he, through massages. Before I enter the room J told me not to be scare of what I am gonna see.
Oh gosh, when I entered the room. I was astound. Dead damn stun. I couldnt speak a word out of my mouth. Tonnes of things that was running through my mind. All the images of how he used to be, all the mid-night supper with all of them, running over to cafe delma to cheers for his birthday. Life is just so unpredictable): I am really terrorize with all these images. I really cant afford to lose anyone close to me.

His accident was all over the news. He was just being nice and he doesnt deserve this.
Apparently, A car ran into a bus, along the highway. He simply just wanted to help out in that situation, a speeding taxi just came by and ran him over. What is this!? I dont wish to go into details. But, my heart really sink to see this happening to such a young and cheerful guy. He had a long and promising future ahead):
but now......

It's time to say Goodnight.

2009-09-07T02:39:00.002+08:00

I am finally done with my blog skin. Plain n simple(: Thats what I like best.

I'll prob go missing after this post. I am fully booked for the whole week. EXAMS plus herstory-maybe- plus Xiong's birthday and work(:

Good. Time for bed and more mugging tml):
Goodnight blog.

Pork Pudding

2009-09-07T01:04:00.003+08:00

Oh man, I've got seriously no idea how should I start off this post nor what should I blog about):
My brain are filled with bitchy staff about certain people=P Except for 'Walker', definitely. Ask me why, and I'll have an endless list for that=D

Damn, I miss my Asshole SO MUCH! Could you PLEASE make yourself free soon): I miss all the bitching sessions with you. And all those countless times that you've made me looked like a fool, crying n smiling at the same time. I miss your fat belly too=D I've got so much to update you on! If you happen to come across my blog, I MISS YOU ASSHOLE. If I have to eat butter again just to meet you. I will. Just for my asshole=P -You know what I mean-

For someone whom is missing his pork pudding(: Patient is the word for you. I miss the black couch. I miss that cheese macaroni. I miss my morning coffee. I miss the 'Biggest loser' sessions. I miss that swimming pool. I miss you too.

- I shall skip all bitchy comments that I have in mind(: People like them are just not worthy of anything, everything.

Say NO to guys.

2009-09-01T08:23:00.003+08:00

Guys.

I don't seems to have the patience to read and understand them anymore. They're all a different classification, and i can't seems to know them anymore. They've got too many pages to be read): They seems to want it, but yet, not want it at the same time. They seems to flirt around, but to them, it's not flirting at all. They seems to love you, and also many others too. They would miss and want you back only when you're gone.

Sigh.

They're just too thick and boring. I think I'll have to ask Alvan for advice soon=P

Give me a break.

2009-08-31T00:12:00.007+08:00

Yes? No? Maybe???

Okay. I don't know. It's not like I can read minds or what. Things look pretty much fine thou(: But yea, lesson learnt. Never to trust my feelings too quickly. It may be nothing but a stream of never ending tears. I mean MAY, i even underline it just in case you didnt notice the key word=D It have been extremely sweet recently. I mean it have always been sweet, sweet.. Or maybe I just didnt realise that it was THIS sweet. Its really to an extent that I think im gonna get diabetes or something! All the vitamins, the thoughts, the plans. Everything is just perfect! I just need time to stay still for awhile. Just, awhile so that this will stay here with me, for the time being(: I did nothing in my life to deserve all these. I fairly well know that I will have to go back to reality one day -maybe not, ever-. But, for sure. I will never regret this(: ever. It have been the greatest 2 and a half months and still counting.. I've seen the efforts. And I love it. so much that I know I would put everything, anything at risk to survival it.

2009-08-24T20:55:00.002+08:00

[Left or right? Up or down?
This is so confusing!]

My head is burning!
My tummy is going to explode!
My shoulders are aching!
My eyes are closing!
My brain is exhuasted!

But my heart says, 'Life goes on'.

A week filled with emotions and complications. First there was the 'Belvedere' -which is still quite a prob now-. And than, -the joyous part- 'Johnny' is back. What else can i say, that 10 dreadful days are finally over. Thou there'll be more to come, I've got no other choice anyway[: And again, 'Bvlgari' came back. B knows my weakness so well, which is what i really hate. B's promises are meant to be broken, UNLESS B deadly wants it and meant it. 'BBC' is also back -.- BBC is either dumb or dumber. Lastly, 'unknown'.. Please stop bloosting abt yourself. My brain is square. Save yr breath..

AND AND AND I FOUND MY BOOOOOOOOOOK.

2009-08-11T00:15:00.004+08:00

Deep within the corners of my mind
I keep a memory of your face
And I only pull it out
When I long for your embrace

Deep within the corners of my mind
I'm haunted by your smile
As it promises me joys
Like a journey to a tropic isle

It's not hard to see what you do to me
It's like a page right out of fist time wave
Though I try to fight
All the word you write, leave me standing
In the starry robe in some tragic lovers place

But deep within the corners of my mind
I'm praying secretly
That eventually in time
There'll be a place for you and me

2009-07-20T03:34:00.002+08:00

To be honest, I'd been tired for so long that I don't remember, not accurately. When I realised something serious was wrong with me, I put up with it though. Told myself I needed more rest and that it'd pass. But it didn't.Im so tired. Proper, bone tired.
I don't believe it. No, it's not right. I did believe it. I just didn't understand.
Not why. Not how. Not me.

2009-07-07T20:07:00.000+08:00

Other side of the world

Over the sea and far away
She's waiting like an iceberg
Waiting to change
But she's cold inside
She wants to be like the water

All the muscles tighten in her face
Buries her soul in one embrace
They're one and the same
Just like water

And the fire fades away
Most of everyday
Is full of tired excuses
But it's too hard to say
I wish it were simple
But we give up easily
You're close enough to see that
You're the other side of the world to me

On comes the panic light
Holding on with fingers and feelings alike
But the time has come
To move along

And the fire fades away
Most of everyday
Is full of tired excuses
But it's to hard to say
I wish it were simple
But we give up easily
You're close enough to see that
You're the other side of the world

Can you help me
Can you let me go
And can you still love me
When you can't see me anymore

And the fire fades away
Most of everyday
Is full of tired excuses
But it's too hard to say
I wish it were simple
But we give up easily
You're close enough to see that
You're the other side of the world
You're the other side of the world
You're the other side of the world to me

2009-06-26T03:52:00.001+08:00

moved

2009-06-19T12:42:00.008+08:00

All I could, should do now. Is to wait and see..

I know which step I should, and will take for the next.. I will be strong. Stronger this time round, Perhaps.
It makes no difference to have the useless you here or not. You do no help at all, but only trouble. After all these, probably the message had finally gotten into my thick skull. That you're not here. And never was here.

Bvlgari Blv - With all your promising words, you've demolished the wall that I've built these years. Through these years I was fine, tremendously fine. All it takes was you to walk in and out. Wait, I should correct it. To step in and out of my daily life. Along with some promising words, here and there. And There, I was pushed to the ground once again. I know to move on and make my life go on, is a must. Because I know that you're not the one - or maybe you are -. Which ever it is, you're hurting me in every way now. I would walk a thousand miles to leave the pain behind. But yet again, the pain remains persistently again and again.
When you said being with me was like home. I thought, for the first time. You could read my mind. Feel how I felt. Perhaps, I was wrong. Everything is happening again.
I would go(again) for now. And if our paths should cross again(2 years? or maybe longer). Maybe than I'll be a friend. But deep inside I know I'd cry. Pretending I'm alright cause I'm moving on. But still I'm holding on..

Davidoff Cool Water - *smiles* My precious one(: Short, sweet n simple. Thats all I have for you.

Issey Miyake L'Eau D'Issey - It have already been quite some time back. Long enough for me to even forget your name at times.

Unknown Polo - Thanks for guiding and teaching me for e past week. Things are always lovely when you're around(: But this doesn't mean that you have got good taste. In terms of "S". I still think that it's a BAD choice. Rather, Out of choice.

Things will never be the same.

2009-06-08T13:18:00.002+08:00

Once upon a time……….
moods were never affected by the sun nor the rain.
Whether it is sunny or rainy, I will be the same
But things are never the same again
When you have a lost.

I may be happy when it is bright
And smiling when I am in the sun.
But the clouds and the nights
Makes me painfully miss my dearest.

Not only the weather makes me sad,
The little babies that passed my way
Makes me feel so bad.
Reminds me of my my precious girl dearly.

Now even music, lyrics and songs,
Take me into a deep abyss.
Thinking of what went wrong
That I could have been stronger.

Guess things will never be the same
When you have a lost.
No pain will heal with time,
Nor bring back the old self of mine..
imissyou

2009-05-30T03:02:00.004+08:00

Happiness:
We rarely feel it.
i would buy it, beg it, steal it.
pay in coins of dripping blood
for this one transcendent good.

As i watched that little boy practising his wushu moves. the image of you unintentionally appeared in my mind. all those memories, all those moments, how things were so simple back than. just you and me. thats all we need. and than comes her where things got alittle complicated. and i gave it all up. im sorry. you loved her. this i know. me too.

This gorgeous piece by Aiza just never fail to remind me of you. how we used to dine in different restaurants. just to get appetiser, dessert, lunch and than more dessert. one place to another. how you would care for me like no others do. how you thought of me even before yourself. these memories are killing me emotionally. please brain wash me or bring those memories with you as you leave.
Grievously, i've lost you. not once, but twice. Or maybe, things are just way too different now. and that theres no turn back. for now. i guess.

This song is definitely referring to none other than you. I think you're really fantastically nice. funny. the one whom had commanded me to set this as your ring tone so that i'll be awake upon hearing this. and not mistaken it as other people. if i ever require a morning call. there seems to be nothing standing in our way but to get closer to each other. thanks for being there.
oh well, you give me Joy, Pleasure and Ecstasy. you know. one whom i love running to, at the end of the day to blare everything out to. seems like you're the only one who can tolerate all my mental unsoundness moments. you've made a hell marvelous friend. thanks sweet! you're still the best!((:

Last but not least. this song constantly reminds me to stay strong. be it, it's baby-steps or a jump. its still a improvement. a step closer to you. a step filled with hope and love. to even have a glance of you smiling is worthy of anything. everything.

And you, please dont disappoint me. ever again. or i might just bite off your head wo waring.

2009-05-26T00:17:00.009+08:00

!ALLERGY
Nasty-boring day at work, new phone awaits at home.

Life's simple(: at least, for now. It have been quite sometime since i last had such a simple fulfilling week!

Simple birthday celebration, havoc drinking games.
(thou i've got allergy after peeling those prawns)
Self-mugging just to await for that simple dinner. nice view by the beach, btw.
(thou i've got a paper e day after)
Simple movie day-out, joyous k-box overnight.
(thou i was supposed to be cinderella and be home by midnight that day)
Normal usual boring school in day, exotic dancing by night.
(thou i was so emotionally affected that day)
Starbucks hang-out with e conpletion of word-puzzle, after dinner.
(thou e allergy was a killer)

Cheap thrills, i know. But this is all that i've ever wanted.

Life can never get any better at this point of time.
perhaps i just need more of you in my life.

2009-05-11T01:38:00.002+08:00

If you cant get me on my Mobile, probably my phone is dead or I'm dead.

2009-05-07T17:28:00.004+08:00

no simpler way to say,
i miss you
i miss you like crazy.

Thank God, its Friday.

Brows are furrowed, i am heaving a sigh. I dont know what to say. what to do. just that, something is going wrong. something's just not right. everything is malfunctioning on its own. I feel like i am standing hundreds of miles away from myself, watching myself sinking deeper into an unretrievable abyss, and i can do nothing but watch helplessly. somehow i feel like i can do something but i am just not doing it. i am seeking solace in the wrong, worst places. somehow i feel my life's been interspersed with the weirdest and most undesirable combinations of... good and bad events. i am left confused, and the cerebrum in my mind is being worked out, and , i have never felt in such a compromising position as i do now. Somehow i feel manipulated by myself, yes, thats right, to be at the beck and call, whims and fancy of self, for me to drive myself crazy, so unfortunate indeed. realise, that things i have, think i want, is possibly not the things i need. ive been so blinded that i dont even know what i covet and i am tainted, but i am still me. i join the ranks of homosapiens, and yet, i dont behave like one. i troll the streets laughing gaily to me crying and feeling confused, with emotions swinging like a pendulemn momentarily, i feel like i am living each second, for each second. each and every second, so choked, so brimmed, with so many different colours and feelings. i am not attemtping to hide anything. all these, are repurcussions, the manifestations of events that have unfolded tragically, that i have ran away from, never bothering to solve them. i thought, running away helped. it did. but, i think its real, the past always catches up with you. i dont even want to think, make that even delve superficially into this, as always, running away helps. running away, always encompass mindless, soulless, things like sleeping. sleeping renders me in a state of immobility. of unconciousness. that always helps. oh wait. there're still my nightmares.

"it takes time, living in a world you dont know who to trust"
if i told you, i dont' trust you, never, not with the last of my candycupcakes, what would you say?i dont know much, but i know the irreversibility of situations... when you betray, you took something of me with you- my faith. i am speaking for me. i keep repeating myself. i sound like a joke. maybe we dont need to go back to popcorn days but we dont have to. i am capturing every single movement here. as i said, i am living momentarily. from one solidified period to another. and at the end of the day, does it matter? so long we are safe, happy, loved, clothed, full, warm, i am wishing this all upon you. the expenses of me, if it shall be.

this entry sounds so feral. its peppered with so many experieneces and events that i dont even know what i am saying. its so messy and i like it that way. so intricated, you detractors would never be able to peruse. if i am doing everything wrong, let me confuse you at the very least, at least you will be lost for a while longer before getting to me. in the mean time, ill string you along.
and i just want to know who's true to me, whos real and who's not. for now, that would suffice. before embarking on my next emotional project.

But for now, for now, i will always be the girl who's seating before you, smiling and radiating happiness she don't feel. :-)

Great, Im craving for a lot of food right now, there's steamboat, the mala kinds, Taj Mahal Indonesian, Arnold's Chicken, Satay, laksa, chicken wing, satay beehoon... *drool*

If you're reading this in the morning, I miss you
If you're reading this in the afternoon, I miss you
If you're reading this in the evening, I miss you
If you're reading this when I'm sleeping, I miss you
I miss you, can you please not be so busy and set aside sometime for me
but somehow my heart feels really painful as i am typing this

=_( i hope you read this and i mean what i say!

2009-05-02T04:43:00.002+08:00

Looking at Sleeping beauty, waking up seems to be like a dream come true.
Looking at Cinderalla, going to the ball seems like a dream come true.
And it all ends with happy ever after..
But looking at me, opening my eyes to the world seems so tiring.
I just wanna continue my sleep!):

I'm lost in my world, I need someone to guide me out of here..
I'm lost in my world, I need someone to be there for me..

2009-04-29T01:45:00.001+08:00

To you:
i would always encourage you to do the things you love most.
the good things, that would make use of your talents to the furthest
not watch you throw yourself away like that
cause you and i know, you are a person built of something strong and great
and you a person who was meant to do great things.

If you are reading this and is studying for your exams - good luck! mwa mwa mwa! *flying kisses*
If you are reading this and you are having a bad day - redeem your free hugs here!
smile casue if you arent part of the solution, you are part of the problem! X=

The inside.

2009-04-29T00:15:00.000+08:00

Many claim to love me but do they love me the person, or me the entity?
The person is a performer and athlete and easy to love but the entity is harder to love.. It has no name, no face, it is the me inside me, it is the one who loves all but never gets loved, it wants to be loved it is sad, it is lonely but noone will love it.. The love you feel for me must be everlasting so you can only love the inside me, the one noone will love but the one who loves all inside, outside.. Black or white, all
because
I know that love is eternal, it is my love. The love that will be around until I die and you with me and them with us.. But when your love has faded and is gone.. Mine will be glowing brightly so if you tell me you love me, make sure you mean it.. And don't look at me funny when I ask you to die...

2009-04-21T00:30:00.003+08:00

Okay. So this is going to be totally corny but I thought it was funny.

A dear friend and I had a conversation about “blue chip” friends. Blue chip, like blue chip companies.

“A nationally recognized, well-established and financially sound company. Blue chips generally sell high-quality, widely accepted products and services. Blue chip companies are known to weather downturns and operate profitably in the face of adverse economic conditions, which helps to contribute to their long record of stable and reliable growth. The name “blue chip” came about because in the game of poker the blue chips have the highest value.”

It was the perfect metaphor for our friendship. So to be funny, I gave him a pack of Terra Potpourri potato chips. Because in a pack, there are a limited number of blue chips.

Thanks for being blue chip(:

TeaTime.

2009-04-08T16:17:00.001+08:00

There once was a girl from a banana tree.
Who ate garden worms for her tea.
They wiggled and poked,
So much that she choked..
And then died in immense agony...

2009-04-01T09:40:00.004+08:00

You come to mind morningly, noonly, and nightly, I wish I could see you this minute or soonly...

So you're probably right if you're thinking it seems like I'm taking this 'missing-you' thing to extremes!

2009-03-19T14:45:00.003+08:00

What is this? You left me speechless.

She saw beyond my faults and impurities, and suddenly, i stared into perfections gaze. At last my hope had come true, the days had come, that i would feel joy, when this angel would smile. Oh. That was. I thought. Now. I see no direction, i feel no instinct, but just to press onward through the blackness of time.

A hope for change, for better days.
Thanks. For i feel unwanted.

2009-03-16T14:42:00.003+08:00

I just wrote another self-critical post about egotistical secret habits-- but my computer deemed it inappropriate and made it disappear into space. Disappointing.

I am listening to a beautiful song titled "A Nightengale Sang in Berkeley Square." It is wonderful for dancing with an unrequited love, or possibly a friend one secretly adores. Preferably on a dimly lit street, or perhaps in the kitchen in the wee small hours of the morning. Humans are obsessed with tension-filled romance, even when they themselves are perfectly contented in love. I wonder why.

I would rather be in a smoky bar than a sweaty nightclub. The quiet desperation of drunkeness and melancholy offends me less than blatant cries for affirmation.

There is something frightening about the open sea that belongs only to resting on its surface. I know that if I were on the Nautilus, I would be perfectly at ease. But ships must always fear the depth and power of that which lies below them, and that weakness ruins it for me in a way that a submarine would not.

I wish bears were more susceptible to being friends. If I could befriend a bear, I would be so much more content in this life.

I don't understand hand sanitizer. Does it zap germs, terminating their existence and sending them into oblivion? Or does it merely purify the particles it comes in contact with? In theory, could hand sanitizer clean dirt?

I also don't understand inkjet printers. I get typewriters. Input, output. Printers, no.

Did someone invent the internet? Eew. Who does that? I like to think someone was on a computer one day and just stumbled across it. Otherwise, I get sad thinking about the person who sat and thought of how to create a virtual reality.

The most vulnerable sort of clothing is a sweater that doesn't quite rest on one's hips properly. It makes one insecure at every moment because it must constantly be tugged on.

I'm certaining not thinking. that is.

Candy floss and chemical substrates

2009-03-16T02:08:00.001+08:00

If Willy Wonka had access to liquid nitrogen and lasers, he would be Homaro Cantu. I mean he made me eat printed “paper” – it was some sort of chemical substrate – that tasted like candy floss. Some weird shit is happening...

What would have come to this world ?

2009-03-16T01:54:00.003+08:00

Die Romantic

"a passionate kiss"

"so are we dating now?"

"Mac breakfast"

"random bus?"
"how does it feel when you see blood coming out of someone you love"
"i'll slap you, make sure you're alright, and then slap you again."

"and fear plays its drums"
"i'll race you"
"hysteria is one sexy song."
"killing is bad"

"choke me, fucketydoodle"
"i like the feeling of glass on my skin"

"Dig deep and kill myself!"
"she told me something"
"just i dont want the what if's"
"i dont want to feel like a second blanket."

"memories yet to be."
"its better this way"

"maybe?"

2009-03-14T15:43:00.002+08:00

"Random bus"

*I miss you.

2009-03-12T17:09:00.004+08:00

The water I'm drinking right now may have been into my mouth before.

It has probably been inside a dinosaur and I'm almost certain it was once crowded in a Medieval gutter, rubbing elbows with the Bubonic Plague and last week's rubbish.

A few molecules are even remnant of that rock which suffered an unnecessary blow at the hand of Moses.

It has tumbled down the slopes of the Himalayas with a flurry of furious snowflakes and it has tumbled with the dirty laundry in a washing machine in my kitchen.

It has carved paths on the stones of the earth and the faces of men.

It has been buried alive in the bodies of the dead only to seep into the soil and once again take to the heavens; it warms, it cools, it heals, it destroys.

And it has already been to Japan. Twice.

My water is much more impressive than I am.
Its about to rain now. More water to come! and I am off to dance!

*I can't make you love me if you don't. I have no power, no rights.

2009-03-11T19:14:00.003+08:00

ALLLLL DOWN!

*Out of hospital, into the clubs.

I've never feel this healthy before(:

Lap dancing - Well, I wonder which would I be? “Police and Thief”, “The Naughty Schoolgirl”, “The French Maid”??? Lap dance focuses on chair-work, contact moves and the use of props (hats, feather boas and more) to tease your special “lap”.

Now now now, who's mine special "lap"~

2009-03-10T20:34:00.003+08:00

TWO DOWN, LAST TO GO!

*hangoverhangoverhangover

2009-03-10T11:41:00.003+08:00

ONE DOWN, TWO MORE TO GO!

*whatawhore.

2009-03-08T21:57:00.017+08:00

Last night, I cried myself to sleep.

GJH - I miss you. I missed how things were once so complete in my world. There was you, who gave me those tears of joy, just by your little actions. How can I move on? To make my life go on and forget those memorable times with you. I’ve tried to hide my tears and learn to face my fears -accept the truth that you’re no longer here with me-. But still, time to time, I would still imagine that you're still here, here with me. To watch you growing up to be someone great.
Maybe life would be more colourful that way.. Maybe afterall, I do still regret the choice I've made 5 years back... Or maybe its better off this way.. But I could have told you, baby. This complicated world was never meant for someone as beautiful as you. You're coming to your 6th and I hope you're doing fine out there..
I'm moving on but still I'm holding on..

BM - Well, what can I say? Those times, with you by my side and having her around was the time of my life. Now, no one can bring it back. Not even you..

"What do you want?"
I don't want anything from you, because you can't give me things that I need. You're selfish, yes you are.. When the road seems uncertain and you can't stop the hurting, I was there. When there was no one beside you, I was there to guide you. When the world isn't kind and your dreams they need more time, I was there. At one point of your life, your future was fading, I was there. I've never once hesitate to be there for you when you need me, but never once were you here.

Those smiles of mine are fading.

I need someone. I need someone who listens and care. I need someone who has no ill-intention nor motive being close to me. Most importantly, I need someone who stays.

I am breaking down.

2009-03-05T00:25:00.006+08:00

One mistake could actually turn into a blessing.

Its project time! The time that I've been avoiding since the last time I was caught eating fish. Fyi, I don't take fish.
Oh boy, another day of burning midnight oil. The feeling of spending the night doing project instead of hanging out, is like eating sweets with the wrapper on. I realised that my character did not change any bit since my teeth started growing. You'll see me finding all sorts of excuses before settling down to focus on my work. Mind you, all sorts of things can really mean anything!

Anyw, its time for some exotic-ness tomorrow!

Back on project, BE FOCUS!

2009-02-25T12:38:00.001+08:00

I feel much better for the crying..

All I can say is.. WOW.

2009-02-11T10:28:00.003+08:00

The other sides of walls

It's not homework time. I'm listening to The Weepies and thinking about all the things I'm not doing with my life. I'm really torn by this idea where I choose to consume instead of create. Who am I to think I have nothing to contribute to the world but gorging myself on the work of others? There is time for appreciating art without participating in it actively- but why do I spend, no, waste! so much time fiddling with adding genres to every song in my iTunes and looking at hundreds of photos of acquaintances on Facebook? That's so fruitless; such a waste of the mind, voice, hands, and soul that I've been given. How often do I create with what I received from my genetics, my environment, my experiences?

I am sitting in a room. All sided of the walls is painted orange with white stripes. When I see them when I'm in a room, especially with that yellow curtain, I feel like I'm not actually in a room at all. The strangest thing of all is to see picture frames hanging on those walls. Can you imagine? Walking past a building and seeing enlarged portraits and certificates framed, concealing part of an otherwise unobstructed ravishing walls? Why don't we hang pictures of ourselves on the outsides of our houses? We post them on Facebook.

This began as a letter- can you believe that?

I'm wondering if I should schedule every minute of every day and night. If I could stick to it, I would get all the stuff done in my life that I'm pretending doesn't need to happen. Is that worth it? Why do I ask so many questions. The punctuation on that last sentence is totally a cop-out.

Who would I send this to? I would put it in a bottle and throw it into Siloso beach, at work. Maybe it will wash up on a foreign shore, or be read by my doppelganger, start a revolution of hanging things on the other sides of walls, eliminate the question mark from punctuation. As it is, it's cold where I'm sitting and I feel a bit alone.

2009-02-05T09:14:00.000+08:00

"Mistakes don't mean a thing if you don't regret them."

Ok, I need to warn you that this is not necessarily what you should read while eating your scrambled eggs, toast, and coffee.

Oh well, today my world will rotates only around
- sandrA
-triyA
-ginA

I earnestly can't wait for the day to pass me by! I know that we're gonna have abundance of fun and joy like we used to share:-O

2009-01-29T22:31:00.005+08:00

Oh, Japanese TV, I Will Never Understand You

In case you were wondering, the creature beside the kitten is a giant isopod.

2009-01-28T10:25:00.004+08:00

I want to eat your existence.

I've already made the first s_t_e_p, just so that you can get out of my face - In fact, out of my life-. I don't know you, and I never have the intention of knowing you anyway - even if I have the change to-. I've seen the efforts that you've put in, I've heard those cries, I've been through those pain before. My sympathy for you have made me come to my conscious to made the rightful step that should have been taken right from the start. But now, you've blurred my sight again.
Seems like you're not worthy of my kindness.

2009-01-28T00:36:00.002+08:00

Kung Hey Fat Choy! (Happy Chinese New Year!)

Before I forget, let me wish you all a happy Chinese New Year!
This year, it’s the Year of the Ox, so it’s only fitting that I post a picture of him:

Jon "The Ox" Entwistle, bassist for The Who.

For more on the Year of the Ox and Chinese astrology, this article at SFGate.com should help get you started.

2009-01-27T02:11:00.012+08:00

I'm listening this with t e a r s rowing down my cheeks.

If you were to ask me, do I hate you. Yes, I do -inclusive myself-. Things aren't going quite well, or maybe it's just me.
As I countdown this new year inaudibly to myself, I found myself being thrown into an abyss of questioning and self doubtfulness. I'm beginning to doubt my being as a friend, as a girlf, as a daughter, as a student, as a person and as a _ _ _ _ _ _. It's kind of eating me up but whatever it is, life still goes on and i can't be wallowing in the "How, what am i going to do next?" question everyday.

2009-01-25T00:22:00.005+08:00

A moment of Gold

This is what happens when a cow meets another cow.

Nothing changed in the past 5 years.
Thank you, for you've been such a dear all this while.
how about another 5 years?

2009-01-22T22:42:00.001+08:00

Men are like fine wine.

They all start out like grapes and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something with which you'd like to have dinner with.

2009-01-20T22:53:00.003+08:00

Veron is a HAPPY girl(:

But still,
I am the girl who you call when everything goes wrong
I am the girl who you come to for advice
I am the girl who you tell everything to
I am the girl who’s heart is breaking
I am the girl who wanted you
I am the girl who needed you
I am the girl who had all that I wanted at one time
I am the girl who let you go
I am the girl who let you go again
I am the girl who has dreams that seem impossible
I am the girl who will seek for my dreams
I am the girl who cheers for the losers
I am the girl who believes anything is possible
I am the girl who has confidence in your decisions
I am the girl who will be saying go for it
I am the girl who wants to give up but w_o_n_t
I am the girl who has answers for everything
I am the girl who is your best friend
I am the girl who will leave someday
I am the girl who will say goodbye with tears in my eyes
I am the girl who you will call when everything goes wrong

2009-01-19T18:42:00.003+08:00

Hectic life schedule!
-School
-Work
-Girlf
-You, you and you.
(And mayb you, but not you.)

I'm going maniacal frenzy.
Bye.

2009-01-15T14:03:00.003+08:00

Hi, My name is Michelle. What about you?

Woo, first day of work was exhausting. Felt a little disordered at first, but soon realise that it's more or less the same system(: Moreover, I'm down with a bad cold and fever. Everything is so different from all the others that I've worked. The crew, the melody, the expected service.

This is just the beginning, I believe that I will grow once again on this new piece of land. Well, what can I say? what a virgin environment to me(:

P.S. I hope that my presence will motivate you to head home daily after work.

2009-01-13T15:22:00.003+08:00

Yesterday,
...you left me behind.

This morning,
...it was you on my mind.

Tonight,
...my pride i'll try to regain.

Tomorrow,
...I hope we meet again.

2009-01-12T01:55:00.003+08:00

Happiness:

We rarely feel it.
I would buy it, beg it, steal it,
Pay in coins of dripping blood
For this one transcendent good.

As I pondered the meaning of happiness, I sat and thought for awhile. The outwards signs are clear enough for me to see, those sparkling eyes and a beaming smile on your face.
Inwardly how can one tell or gauge this emotion intact.. For it blends with many others. To me that is a fact. Happiness is contagious, it's easily caught.

I feel as thou I am living in a bubble, being protected from all the hurt and pain. The rainbow colours of happiness never failed to energise my brain which makes my body move to the rhythm and the beat. I could dance until the sunrise. Being happy is so neat to me. You always put a smile on my face and my brain loves the games that have been keeping this bubble strong. It is positive thinking that moves my life along all this while. This daily dose of happiness.
Is a pleasure - you will find.

Joy, Pleasure and Ecstasy. Like friends together as a nuptial band.
Difficult to separate, for they go hand in hand.

P.S I am sorry for my temporarily mental unsoundness.

2009-01-11T14:14:00.001+08:00

Okay, I'm confused.
Very.

2009-01-10T05:40:00.006+08:00

I adore this picture.

I adore this music.

And I adore someone far away.

2009-01-08T18:36:00.002+08:00

Nothing create happy sparks, more than shopping does!

Been craving for Chocolates, Tiramisu and shoes lately. Okay, its not in category wise(: Well, Lunar new year is round the corner. Am more or less done with my shopping=D How amazing that I am broke to my fingertip due to my newly bought camera, but yet again, I can still get pass mummy's birthday gift and her cake. And can still shop for my needs.. Guess I'll have to live on grass for the rest of this month=P
Alrighty, time to walk my 2 doggy(:

Love alwyas,

Veron

2009-01-08T17:36:00.006+08:00

This is the hardest story that I've ever told.

Complicated.

Hidden.

Breathless.

My reason? You've always wanted to know. The 2 months was perfectly fine. No quarrels, no arguments, no anger. I've gave us, the 3 of us, a thought. My presence will only cause more anger, sadness and arguments for you two. For me to make this decision was a tough one, it took me weeks to accumulate my braveness just for that very moment. I want you to know that I'm happy for you and that I wish nothing but the best for you both. We had our heaven and just a little bit of hell. It's already more than enough for me.

I know, you know what I mean..

"Breakfast, School"
"Long hours chats, those stares at work"
"Smoking breaks, Locker room"
"Boyboy, Bobo"
"Tiramisu, Vitasoy"
"Daddy look alike, Twilight"
"Bangle, make it brown"
"Best wishes, Issey Miyaki"
"Zak, Shasha"
"Supper, Home"
".............."

This is the way we love, like kids forever.
This is my Happy ending.

2009-01-07T14:49:00.002+08:00

The reason why I hate having multiple chats.

It’s because I always end up typing the wrong message in the wrong chat window. So far, I haven’t done anything as embarrassing as the ChaCha guide below, but I’m not going to tempt fate…

2009-01-07T02:19:00.003+08:00

so I thought we need to pause and re-examine dirt
so as not be disturbed or preturbed
by jerks
as we prod
into the next stage

as you & I
continue to search & research
here you see and hear
again, in words I speak.

2009-01-06T05:16:00.005+08:00

Love is

Love is staring out of windows, looking at distant skies.
Love is smelling a flower, and sneezing.
Love is the desire of a dog for a bitch.
Love is a clothesline of wet condoms, sunning to be dried.
Love is spiritual and ends in the heart.
Love is physical and ends in rape.
Love doesn't exist, yet it does.
Love does but doesn't .
Love bites and is bitten.
Love dies but lives again.
Love dies and remains buried.
Love is the compassion of a mother for her aborted foetus.
Love is the aborted foetus' premature sadness at not being born.
Love is a bomb.
Love is a tomb.
Love is a resurrection.
(Or could it be a mere erection?)
Love is to cling on to your virginity at all cost.
Love is to sacrifice your virginity forever to your temporary lover.
Love is 20 years of making paper planes out of your poems.
Love is throwing your paper-plane poems into the dustbin.
Love is to hold on to your relationship in hard times.
Love cheats on you in return.
Love has nothing to do with sex.
Love is the search for eternity in sexual intercourse.
Love is circumcision rightly sealed.
Love is wearing a chastity belt, and feeding the key to a hungry tiger.
Love is writing a poem to an imagined lover.
Love is is writing a poem to a real lover, but not knowing what to write.
Love is the strand of hair on your pocket.
Love is the pocketing of emptiness.
Love is desertion.
Love is a perpetual and non-departure.
Love is hiding beneath your blanket, and not wanting him to touch you.
Love is when he touched you all over, rubs you, massage you.
Love is breathing cigarette smoke, to show that you love him.
Love is dying of cancer from his cigarette smoke.
Love is blindness deafened, deafness blinded.
Love speaks, but has no language.
Love lasts, and disappears.
Love was, but won't.
Love is, but isn't.

2009-01-06T01:00:00.003+08:00

I can choose to enjoy the bright city lights and mad crowds.
I can choose to listen to music that is oh so loud.
City life can be for me
But I prefer a stroll by the sea.

I can choose to drink at pubs.
I can choose to party at clubs.
I can choose to be a party animal
But I would prefer to be at peace in my little world.
I can choose to eat meat and a tasty-cholesterol dish.
I can choose to eat whatever I wish.
I can choose to lead a sedentary life
But I prefer to dance, eat healthy food
And share simple pleasures with my Baby.

I can choose, in troubled times, to mope.
I can choose to give up hope.
I can choose to indulge in self-pity
But I would prefer to clear all obstacles
And remain bubbly, happy and witty(:

2009-01-05T22:35:00.005+08:00

the truth that lies
or
the lies that tell the truth

What's a mistress?
It's an interest sandwiched between the master & the mattress.

What's the matter?

It only matters when the master covers up the matter
& when the co-worker of the mattress discovers the matter.

What's a mistress?
It's a waitress that waits in pain for a master
& frustrations weigh heavier than a crane.

What's the matter?

It only matters when the minister uncovers the matter
& when you get a letter from the minister.

from mattress to mistress
all it matters
is how to please the master
& the endeavor!

2009-01-02T12:17:00.003+08:00

I need a new maid. I seriously DO!

Any volunteers?

2008-12-31T00:19:00.007+08:00

Lost in a world, that scares me to death,
Lost in a crowd I’m losing my breath,
Lost as a kid, lost as an adult.

I need to grow up, don't think I can.

I feel everything is falling apart and its my fault.
Lost as a person, cant find my way.
Lost in life every day,
Who am I?

Lost to Kindness,
Lost to Love.
Lost to comfort, all kind words,
Lost to advice, it isn't heard.

Lost to those who really care,
All these people, always there.

Lost in me, I need a break,
Lost in wonder, which road to take?
Lost in a place I don't know well,
Where are you now? There's no one to tell.

Lost in mind
Lost in soul
Lost memories, there just a hole.
Lost in boredom think I’ll leave.
There’s a lot in life I need to achieve..

What I really lost is a full stop.
I need it for the end. It's driving me round the bend.

2008-12-29T15:22:00.009+08:00

Sister'sHas' and Lai's

What a Birthday.

I didn't manage to take the picture of my 3rd cake, which is from my lovely parents. Anyway, I really had a wonderful time on my birthday. You guys are so sweet to remember my big day!
And my thanks goes out to All.

Sister - It was so thoughtful of you to turn my working day into a birthday celebration for me. You shouldn't have... I love you so damn much!

Friends - I'm very lucky to have you people as my effing awesome friends! I don't think of it as being another year older. I think of it as another year of having enjoyed friends like you awesome people. I appreciate so much for making the trip down. With friends like you people to spend time with, any age is great!

You - I was trying to forget it but when your wishes arrived, I was actually glad it really was my birthday. Thanks again for thinking of me. but I'm certainly glad you did! What a nice surprise. You're always the first and the sweetest.
Thank you so much.

Not forgetting my wonderful parents! - Thank you for running out of town just to get me my cake. No words can describe my gratitude for family.

I just wanted to thank you guys again for the impromptu birthday celebration. The cakes, the play and even presents, including something for the person who thinks she has everything! Who knew?!
What I do have of course is all of you and that makes every day special. I appreciate all you did very much, including your time and attention in the midst of your own hectic schedules.
I had to let you know again how great it was to see you people on my birthday. Turning 18 isn't always fun but with you gorgeous people around, I was elated to turn 18. Thank you for celebrating my birthday with me.. I LOVE you guys as well as all the gifts.

2008-12-26T14:11:00.005+08:00

Goodmorning people! *yawn*

Can someone please drag me to bathroom. I need a shower! Gosh, im so lazy.
So much of brain power((:

2008-12-26T04:34:00.002+08:00

Some random sleepless night:o)

Life is full of choices, Make sure you pick the right one.
Don't listen to the voices, hear only yours and you have won.
Many people will tell you, you need to change your looks.
Don't take to heart their view, fabulous bods are found only in books.

There is only one voice, that you should listen to.
It will help make the right choice, that is perfect just for you.
Your looks are your own, someone will always love you.
You will never be alone, look in the mirror and you'll see who!~

P.S. Okay, time for bed now. Enough of brain exercising:o)

2008-12-26T01:59:00.007+08:00

There goes my Christmas!~
Merry Late Christmas, people(o: I had a peaceful and plesent Christmas. What about you?

And next comes my birthday((:
((Seriously, Birthday doesnt mean anything to me. It's just a official declaration day that you're older by another year again..))
I've loved and lost so much in this past year. But looking at the bright side, I've gain much happiness and grown from my mistakes. Working at Bikini Bar is the fullest time of my life so far(: GainCity was fun too.. Getting to work with Aunty FeiFei(: Getting to stay over at Granny's warm cosy home. -Gosh, my brain is only filled with happiness of the year and none sad!- There goes that happy girl again(:
My weakest moments are the best moments of my life..

In this (almost to) one year - Many new people have stepped into my life, one way or another. These are some of the few(: figure it out yourself. Loves.

Darlings in school
You're the sweetest and most understanding one.
You're my baby, forever needing my guides.
You're my adviser.

Emeraldhill
You're the joker.
You're the strongest and the bravest.
You're the scariest I've met, I swear. Just like an Angel in disguise.

And not forgetting you,
You're my special teddy bear(:

2008-12-25T13:08:00.002+08:00

Simplicity of Christmas.

Two words that belong together and yet are seldom experienced.
Christmas is upon us once again. And I just heard my first Christmas song on Christmas itself..

2008-12-25T04:44:00.004+08:00

Words of anger??

If you're trying to turn me into someone else, Its easy to see that im not down with it.
If you're trying to turn me into something else, I've seen it enough and im over it.
If you wanna bring me down, then go ahead and try!
After hearing all your stories, I know that I've got a backbone much stronger than yours.
Silence doesnt meant defeated, i simply doesnt wanna light up the spark.

I dont wish to say much..
Rmb, only the mastermind knows the game well and im just playing by the rules.

2008-12-25T03:52:00.006+08:00

Current mood

Thank you baby,
for making my day right even when it started off bad(:

Merry X'mas people.
iloveyou.Baby.

2008-12-24T01:42:00.009+08:00

Better than lost.

If you sit down at the set of sun and count the acts that you have done,
Counting and find one self-denying deed,
One glance most kind, That fell like sunshine where it went--
Then you may count that day well spent.

But if, through all the livelong day,
You've cheered no heart, by yea or nay--
If, through it all you've done nothing that you can trace
That brought the sunshine to no one face--
No act most small that helped some soul and nothing cost--
Then count that day as worse than lost.

2008-12-23T23:43:00.006+08:00

Kia Kaha

Kia kaha means to be strong.

“According to most studies, people's number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Death is number two. Does that sound right? This means to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you're better off in the casket than doing the eulogy.” Jerry Seinfeld.

A msg from you to me.
Life comes to you fast and sometimes you might not realize the facts. It has its ups and downs, twisted and turns, but you can never give up. Dont let the negatives take over the positives. Remember, always keep your head up high and be strong for what may come. It might get hard but you have gotta go through it to make it right, what you want in life is up to you to decide. Only you can change your future for the better. Things happen for a reason. So, however you're feeling right now, show them that you're alright. The changes will only be made when your ready to take that step and fight.

2008-12-23T14:22:00.004+08:00

Less have I known.

What a coward I am.

I'm sorry. I never made it home with a smile to continue my post. Shall load it some other time when I am better.
A death in the family leaves a void that cannot be filled. No one ever take the place of this individual in the world. We should not try to comfort the family by saying that "it was his time anyway", or, "he was suffering". These may be words of comfort later. However, there must be time to mourn the fact that things will never be the same. One minute he was here and now he is gone. The human mind must be allowed to sit with this reality.
Never have I thought I am this weak, I am in fact, fear of death. Never have I thought that I am such a coward when it comes to death. I am scare to face the death of my loved ones, I am not ready and never will be..
It hurts so much to see my lovely granny tearing in pain. Seeing her own beloved son moving on, how she wished it's her who is laying there instead of him.
I would exchange my life for happiness of my loved ones.

2008-12-23T02:14:00.002+08:00

I love you baby(:

Will update when im home again(o:
Promise.

2008-12-22T17:21:00.003+08:00

Dear Santa,

Last night I took a walk in the dark, Couples holding hands with places to go. Seems like everyone but me is in love.
I don't want a lot for this Christmas but there's just one thing I need. I don't care about the presents underneath the Christmas tree. I don't need to hang my stocking. I won't make a list and send it to the North Pole for Saint Nick. I won't even wish for snow. I have been so good this year and all I want is one thing, I want him, just for me underneath my Christmas tree. I just want him for my own much more than you could ever known. Bring me a love, I can call all mine. I'll be waiting just right here.
Would you make my wish come true?
He's all I want and I'll be thankful.
I'm just gonna keep on waiting.

All the lights are shining so brightly everywhere and the sound of children's laughter fills the air.
Everyone is singing everywhere on the streets.
Santa, won't you bring me the one I really need.
bring my baby to me...
This is all I'm asking for I just want to see baby.
Standing right outside my door..

With love,

Veron.

2008-12-22T02:44:00.002+08:00

Amazing Body Art

2008-12-22T01:03:00.004+08:00

I've made a difficult decision and

I'll debate that decision for the rest of my life.

I remember my months with you. I fell in love with your every move, and with the sound of your beating heart. I held your precious body in my arms for the first time and took in your sweet, angelic presence.
Nothing could prepare me for what would lie ahead then. Nothing could prevent my heart from breaking, but it had to be done. I tried to be strong, but my strength failed me. I never knew it would be so difficult to even write my own name.
I cried, and was grateful for all the precious memories you've given to this family.
It was a new beginning for me, 4 years back.
Time went forward, I learned and grew as I slowly let go of you.
Still, there's days when I cry.
I will never stop thinking about you.
Still I wonder about the person you are now, and the person you've yet to become.
I pray that you will always know of the love I have for you and I hope you grow up to be stronger than I. If only you could be here right now and make this family complete for Christmas.
It's only through the grace of God that you were mine for a time.
He gave you to me, I lovingly obeyed his plans for you.
One day, God will led us to find you in time to come.

2008-12-21T05:23:00.003+08:00

Divorce cakes. Let's celebrate divorce.

2008-12-21T03:52:00.009+08:00

Yes dear, I love the way you annoyed me at times.

Sometimes I wanna give up, I wanna give in, I wanna quit the war. And then I see you baby, and everything's alright once again. I have got totally no idea how the hell you did that, but you just do what you do best. You open up my mind in a way nobody else does. Now the life I see is so much brighter than it used to be. I guess we both underestimated the beauty of love and the power of one.
I no longer care what anyone says 'cause we never play by the same rules, and they won't understand it anyway. We stayed and fight for what we've got, knowing it'll never be good enough for any of us 'Cause you and I are dangerous. Our love is like knife that cuts both ways. I know I can be hard to understand and I get too difficult at times, but baby thanks for not giving up on me. Thank you for never judging me, even with my flaws. You always seemed to make me feel flawless after all. But you have never know what to do in situations that you're in, just so to please everyone. Darling, you should always know that nothing is ever perfect and it will never be. So, please yourself first before others. And for that, is actually what I love about you(:

2008-12-20T11:58:00.000+08:00

I Tried.

I try to steal you through the corners of my eyes
till they are so full of tears,
that I can hold you no longer
and you slip somewhere away into my eyes.

I try to feel you in the mirrors of my heart
till they hurt so much,
that I can feel no longer
and you slip somewhere away into my heart.

I try to find you in the parts of my life
till you move so far apart,
that I find you no longer
and you slip somewhere away into my life.

2008-12-20T10:22:00.000+08:00

Sometimes...I stand and allow my opinion to be heard. I make myself known. I maybe say a bit too much.

Sometimes...I scream and yell and push against the normal values.

Sometimes...I want to be told what to do, to follow instruction and go with the flow.

Sometimes...I want to be seen and not heard.

Sometimes...I want to be used.

Use me.
Mood: content